I am in the same boat. My boyfriend's reasoning is that he's just not the kind of person that can cut people off. It makes me feel disrespected, second-best, etc. It seems like you're not uncomfortable with him having a connection to the past, but that you don't trust what he says his feelings are about this ex. You've been together three years, what has made you not trust him? is your relationship pretty good otherwise?
Whether or not his looks bothered you was something you needed to reflect on privately. You didn't need to give him a verbal kick in the nuts about it. There is NO NICE WAY to say what you said. Period. It hurt him. Period. If you keep harping about it, you'll keep hurting him. Period. So stop and learn some manners already.
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